First Dates

Question: What should I do to not be nervous on a first date, and what are some date ideas?

First dates are rough.
There is a lot of anticipation the day of this event.
Some of us may put all of our eggs in one basket; "this is the man/woman of my dreams."
While for others, there is little to no interest in a potential long lasting relationship, and it's best to get over with quickly.

Regardless of which mentality we take going into the situation, they are nerve wrecking.
Going into a first date situation, you have to remember:
1. The other person is just as nervous as you are. So if you openly admit the 'nervousness' of the situation, you will automatically have something to bond over. That's what being at ease is all about- finding the same things that you have in common.

2. It's not an interview process. Make it a conversation, and loosen up. You're not the first person to go on a 'first date,' and I promise you won't be the last. Internet Dating has just been at a rise.

What can make a first date less awkward, is where you go to meet.

If you're traditional, and don't want to do too much aside from conversation:

• Dinner Dates may be best. Some ideas could be Indian, Thai, Persian Cuisine. Something different that the two of you haven't tried. It's fun to talk about something you are both new to. Gives fun conversation. Nothing too serious. 
• Coffee Dates. Nothing more simple then meeting at a cafe to chat someone new. You could find a cafe with live music performing. 

If you are looking to do something more active, and interpersonal:

• You could meet at a pottery class. They offer a lot of Pottery classes in the DC area. It's an inexpensive, and memorable way to bond with someone. If you hit it off well, you could go to dinner afterwards (Google local Pottery Classes in your area). 
• Farmers Market- nothing more casual, yet different then trying fresh fruits for the reason. Their spiced pickles are by far the best!
• A local concert/comedy Club. There are a lot of Comedy Clubs in the DC area (Google to find one close to you). 

Regardless of which option you prefer, it's best to go in with an open mind. If it doesn't work, it's not big deal. Plenty of fish in the sea. 

If it works out, bonus points for you! 

Life is Okay

This post isn't from a particular email, but it's something I've been hearing close friends, and family talk about. It's the complaint of a difficult life; that nothing comes easy to people.

Have you ever noticed that nothing comes easy to anybody? That everybody has those "this would only happen to me," moments?
If majority of people are having those problems, then wouldn't it just be life? Isn't life what you mentally make it of?
When someone is depressed, we drug them. We medicate them, so that they are mentally are in a different state of mind. The medicine is the biological switch of your brains chemistry, to put it in simple terms.
So when we alter our way of thinking, we can be happy.

I've always struggled with the battles of stress, or getting so caught up in everyday nonsense, that I never have the time to actually step back and feel my surroundings. It got to the point, where I would have to write "DE-STRESS" in my agenda book.
Took me a few years (better late then never) to realize it wasn't okay for me to live like that. I had to make the decision for myself that I didn't want that way of life.

Started with a few new hobbies: Yoga, Swimming, Drawing, Listening to Music. None of these were cutting it for me. During Yoga I was thinking about what had to be done for the day. Music would give me headaches. Didn't have the patience for drawing. Wasn't working out.
One day I came home really late from work, and needed to walk my dog. It was probably close to midnight. Roads were quiet, streets were empty. The only noise I heard were the trees moving.
At that moment I experienced my first peace of mind. Felt like an outsider watching in to life.

Life isn't easy. It's not supposed to be.
I'm not sure when we've developed the mentality that everything in life is supposed to come to us easy.
What makes it different, is when you accept that life is challenging, and change the mentality of your outlook.

You got a flat tire, while being an hour late to work? That's a shame. Could have been a car accident waiting to happen 2 miles down the road.

Make life what you want out of it.
Being depressed is not going to get you support everyday of your life. It's flat out exhausting trying to please Negative Nancy all day long, to be bluntly real.
You need to
1. Accept the Challenges.
2. Mentally change your outlook.

Never give up. We're not given anything that we can't handle in life. Some battles are more difficult for some people, because it's our personal challenges.

A peace of mind comes from the silence of a restless mind. -Nikki

Fall is in the Air

Question: In a few sentences, what are the most essential things to buy for fall, and what should I do with them?

Answer: Fall is by my personal favorite season! It's not only pleasant because the weather feels cool and crisp, but it's also the perfect season for new trends. The list of 5 recommended, are those that anybody can apply, and it will look simple- yet appropriate.

1. Red Lipstick- If you are lighter skin, apply a lighter red. If you are darker skinned, apply a darker shade.
When you do apply Red Lipstick, make sure your outfit is a solid neutral color. The Bold Red will be your pop out statement. Big fan of this color.

LANCOME is a brand I frequently shop from for Lipstick.              



2. Leopard- Wear a Leopard printed shirt with jeans, tucked into high wasted skirts, with leggings, or even as an entire dress. For something more simple, buy a Leopard Headband- adds the perfect amount.

This particular pattern goes well
with all skin tones. 

3. Boots- Invest in a good quality boot this season. Make sure it's a color that goes with at least four outfits. Also make sure it's a boot that you know you can walk in. Just because it's comfortable for 5 minutes in the store, doesn't mean it will be comfortable for a 8 hour workday.

4. Scarves. Bright colors. Solid Colors. Long. Short. Pair them with anything.  

5. Faux Fur- obviously, for the sake of everyone, don't pair the fur with the cheetah print. Too much going on! Do however buy a Faux Fur vest to put over solid color shorts.

This season invest in key pieces that you can get a lot of wear out of. Boots, and vests are two big ones.

Jealousy

Question: Why do both men and women get jealous? And what should I do?

Nikki: This is a topic that gets thrown around in both the field of science, conversations with friends, and in  relationships. It's one of the most amusing topics to discuss among people.

The basic 'science' reasoning:
1. There is infidelity in the relationship. If a couple is having trouble having children, they will naturally be jealous of other couples who are able to have children.

2. Men/Women feel inadequate. It's rather simple. People naturally want what they can't have.

Every day Reasoning behind this phenomena:
1. If a person doesn't feel secure about themselves, they are going to be jealous of other people. Low self- esteem also leads your partner to believe that you are cheating/ flirting with other people. When this happens, one can find themselves jealous of the person they think their partner is flirting with.
It is not fair for both people in the relationship to deal with an extremely jealous partner. In the long run you can drive your partner to cheat, or end up hating you for putting them through the constant torture, and task of reassuring that nothing is wrong. If you are personally a jealous person, you need work on yourself as a person, before you decide to be in a committed relationship.
2. Being Jealous does nothing but make you personally look like an unattractive person. Nobody wants to stay long term with someone they need to constantly support, and worry about.
3. A person does not see their special qualities, so they just envy everyone else who has the appeal of a nice quality.



Solutions:
1. Make a list of your strong qualities. What truly makes you a unique person.
If being able to laugh until you cry is one of them, then write it down. Do not criticize yourself of your strong traits. Encourage them. Challenge yourself to find someone who enjoys them.
2. Remember that you are wasting quality time because jealous of other people. There are nearly 7 billion people on this planet. Now naturally, each individual is going to have something that you don't have. That's A LOT of time to be wasting.
3. People usually make a pudgy face when they're jealous. I don't know if anybody has noticed this, but people have less attractive faces when they are envying someone else. For that reason alone, it's not an attractive trait to have.

Make friends with people who you are jealous of. They obviously have something that you want. A friendship is a perfect way to learn their secrets.

Online Dating

Funny clip to watch. A big 'DO NOT,' for online dating.

After it's 'Facebook Official'

I've noticed a few things about couples after they've been with each other for a while: They get too comfortable with one another, and lose their spark. 


In one of my classes, I ever heard a woman telling another classmate that she used to be really proper when she first met her boyfriend, and now she burps in front of him all the time.
When has it been okay to burp, chew with your mouth open, and act like a man in front of you man? 
When you act like another 'dude' for your boyfriend, he will naturally find that lady-like woman next to you attractive. His eyes will begin to wonder, and you will get jealous, and wonder why.

The 4 best ways to keep it special
1. Have a technological free conversation for at least 30 minutes a day.
This is not meant to talk about your to-do list. But how was your day. The things you did. Who you talked to. 
2. Do not turn the television on in the bedroom.
There will be no meaningful sex, after you've watched an hour of sitcoms. Keep the television in your living room, and leave your bedroom for sex. 
3. Once a week each of you should pick something spontaneous to do.
Having  picnic, eating out at the first place you met, seeing a concert, skipping a day of work (....)

It's work. With the right person, it's always well worth it. 

QUICK HUNGER BUSTERS

Question: The best ways to fight hunger

It doesn't matter what time of the day it is. We all get hunger pains at some point during the day.
Some of us choose to ignore them, and then eat massive amounts of food later in the evening, while others just eat junk food constantly throughout the day.

Think of your body as a car. You need to constantly ignite the engine.
I am going to give you a few things that I personally use when I get super hungry/ during the day.

1. Drink a bottle of skim milk at the prime of your hunger.
2. Always carry a Banana with you.
3. Eat small snacks every three hours.
4. Drink Green Tea at night.

I find drinking Green tea at night helps curb your appetite. If you're like me, and munch the most in the evenings, then you should try the Green Tea. It will really help.

What's Cheating?

Question: How can I feel confident that my partner is not cheating on me? And what's defined as cheating?

Nikki:  There are two type of scenarios that a person can be stuck between.

Scenario 1: You are too protective, and paranoid. There is no trust in your relationship, which makes you believe that every late night out/ no phone call, means that your partner is screwing around with someone else.

Scenario 2: Your partner really is cheating on you. However, you stay in the relationship because there is strong love (which can still be strongly present without trust), or you are in denial, and believe the relationship can turn around over night.

Whether you're in Scenario 1/ 2, there is a problem with your relationship.

Scenario 1 Solutions: You need to talk to your partner about the ways you are feeling. You should come up with three valid causes that have made you feel this way, within the relationship you are currently in. If you've been hurt in other relationships, and think you will be betrayed by every man out there, you need to save your sob stories for your Diary. If you cannot come home with a minimum of three reasons as to why your partner has made you feel that way, then you need to not blame him/her for doing anything wrong. If you continue to accuse your partner of cheating (when they haven't), you will run them away. Instead, sit down, and talk calmly about why you feel the way you do. Mention to him/her that it's nothing they have done, and that you want them to know what is going on in your head.

It's about team work. When you've committed yourself to someone else, you are no longer two individuals, you should become a team. 


Scenario 2 Solutions: The more you stay in a relationship like this, the more you are hurting yourself.
Somebody who cheats on their partner, is not a match for you. The two of you, do not sexually/emotionally compliment each other. Something is longing in your partner, and he/she finds it in another person. It's hurtful, and betraying. You feel like you got punched in the face, and that's normal.
During a heart break, your brain is releasing the same chemicals it does, were you to get punched in the face. That's why heart break really hurts a person.
Break up is not going to be easy. Nobody says it will be.
Staying in a relationship that isn't working, is more painful though.

The hardest step is taking the initiative. Once it's over, the only way is up.
Never forget that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and this experience will make you form smarter decisions in the future. Everybody deserves somebody that will make them happy. There is nothing abnormal about that. Even animals long for love in a partner.
Write a list of your wants in a partner, and find someone who checks off the most on that list.

Happiness

Question: What makes true happiness, and how can I be happy without needing to be dependent on anybody else?

Nikki:

1. Don't compare yourself to other people. 
2. Step back in the situation you are in, and look at the funny. 
3. Think only thirty minutes ahead. 
4. Continue Reading. 

First, and foremost; there is no particular definition to happiness. One persons happiness, is not what your happiness is supposed to look like. If you compare other peoples reasons for smiling, you will never find yourself happy, because you will never be living in their life.
Happiness comes when you find things in your everyday routine that makes you happy. They are not supposed to be theatrical acts. If you think dramatic things that you would like to do to be happy, then you are setting yourself up for failure. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting a big splurge for yourself, but when the time is right. If you're financially/emotionally in a rut, then there is absolutely no reason for you to be thinking about all these big things you want to do in your life.
The things that helps me most in my life, is thinking 30 minutes ahead. If I'm at work, or in class, I find it's easy to stress about everything else I have to do in the next 12 hours. But if I look up for a moment, close my eyes, and focus on the first 30 minutes, I am able to relax my nerves and focus on the present.
(While you do take a step back from your current situation, look around and notice everybody's serious faces. It's always a little funny to think what is going on in their minds).

It's also important to remember that you're not alone when you are feeling down, or tired. I used to be one to always think that I was the only one stressed, and tired in my days. When I would look, all I focused on was everybody's lively energy, which would stress me out even more (I will take whatever they're having, please).  But  it was a vicious cycle, because it got to the point where I was stressing my self out when I wasn't up to par with everyone else. I find if you really take a step back, and look at your situation, keep your cool, and think of one thing to do at a time, you will dramatically improve your days.

The second part of your question is as simple and direct as the need to accept being dependent on other people. There is nothing wrong with wanting other people in your life, and needing other people to talk to. It's human nature. We've been communicating, and relying on other people for the past generations, and we will continue to do so.