Nikki: This question comes from someone very close to my heart, and I couldn't be any happier to answer this question. Women want both their independence, and the presence of Chivalry. These are not contradicting statements. A man who truly wants to be with a woman should be able to appreciate her strength, while still proving to her that she is a woman, and respected as a woman. When a man offers Chivalrous behavior, it does not 'de-womanize' her. Men and Women are different by nature, but there is not one sex that is more superior then the other. From an evolutionary standpoint, one sex cannot live without having the other.
Chivalrous gestures were the standard 'code of ethics' for men. It's what separated the desired from the undesired. Naturally, women had different roles in early civilization. Times have changed, but chivalry should not die. "Chivalry is dead', is a myth. It's not dead, but rather progressed to different forms. It's about performing manly duties, without overpowering a woman.
Some gestures that a man can do, to show he is respectful is by
- Truth- talking about the strength of your love to your woman.
- Commitment- Making her feel that you are committed to her, and will always be there for her. There is nothing more valuable then showing a woman you love her, and how special she is to you.
- Offer to help- Do not take control of what she is doing, but ask to help her in things she may be struggling with. By doing so, it shows that you are paying attention to her, and that you can fulfill what she can't, and vice versa.
- Perform manly tasks in the household- getting groceries, fixing lights, grilling.
- Desires- know what she wants, and compromise on them. If there is something that your woman has always desired, remind her that you haven't forgotten about it. Come up with a plan to achieve her desires, and perform on them.
- Knowledge- know what makes your woman happy. The simple things. Getting her coffee in the morning, rubbing her feet, walking her dog. Tasks like these may seem small, but they go a very long way. I can speak on these personally.
Chivalry is not dead. Show your woman that she is your woman. Love her, and cherish her the way you promised before you married her, or committed yourself to her in a long time relationship.
A happy woman makes a happy life.
Nikki, this is an great perspective. I think both men and women struggle with the "right" answer to the chivalry question. I'm a true feminist, but I do appreciate it when a man offers to assist me (then again, I appreciate it when a woman offers, too). Chivalry and equality are not mutually exclusive -- as you note in your third bullet, it's not about taking control, it's about offering assistance.
ReplyDeleteI agree, it's always nice to get assistance from men or women in general.
ReplyDeleteTimes have changed, and some women have different expectations on what men should do. It's always nice to see a strong, independent woman!
I take this for those who are already in a relationship?
ReplyDeleteWhat about those who are still dating or looking?
As a man its getting harder and harder to be a good guy. Girls date bad guys, and when I do nice things as that is my nature, girls think Im trying to get into their pants.
Its a lose-lose out there sometimes.
The 2011 women is a very intimidating and independent person!
Yes, Joshua,
ReplyDeleteThis post is mainly for people who are in relationships, and what they can do to show their partner that they care about them, without making them feel that they have no independence.
I don't know if you've ever been with a woman who is very Independent, but it's about learning to balance. Sometimes the things we love a lot about a person, can be the same thing that is a challenge to live with. That's why relationships are work.
I think when you are trying to find a relationship, it's about showing a woman you are thinking about her throughout the day (without over doing it). A simple text, or email to show her that you're thinking of her. It's also always nice when a man has a plan, and can show a woman a good time.